Thursday, 11 December 2008

Cows


I received a joke from RM this morning which I forwarded to my colleagues. I could hear my bosses laugh until suddenly they went silent. I wonder at which point hehe:

Economic Models explained with Cows


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows
You give 1 to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both, shoots 1, milks the other and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows
You sell 1 and buy a bull
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows
You sell them and retire nicely on the income

AMERICAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows
You sell 1 and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows
You then hire a consultant to analyse why the single cow has dropped dead

LEHMAN BROTHERS VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows
You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your mother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. You sell 1 cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with 9 cows. The public then buys your bull.

FRENCH SYSTEM
You have 2 cows.
They are the most important cows in the world

JAPANESE SYSTEM
You have 2 cows
You genetically modify them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide

GERMAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves

ITALIAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows, but you haven’t a clue where they are?
So you decide to invite all your family memebers over for a very long spaghetti lunch

RUSSIAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows.
You count them and learn you have 5 cows
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows
You count them again and find it’s actually just 17 cows
You stop counting cows and open your 4th bottle of Vodka this morning

SWISS - SINGAPOREAN SYSTEM
You have 7,500 cows - none of them belong to you
You charge the owners for storing them, and you are very good at laundering the milk

CHINESE SYSTEM
You have 2 cows.
You have 300 people milk them
You claim that you have full employment and high Bovine productivity
You arrest the journalist who reports the real situation!

INDIAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows... you worship them...

BRITISH SYSTEM
You have 2 cows
Both are mad

NEW ZEALAND SYSTEM
You have 2 cows
The one on the left looks very attractive...

AUSTRALIAN SYSTEM
You have 2 cows...business seems pretty good
You close the office, go off for a few beers with the boyz to celebrate!

DUTCH SYSTEM
You have one cow.
You marry her.

1 comment:

Brian Chang said...

People's behavior equivalent to a cow's lol