Monday, 27 June 2011


Today is WI's 48th birthday and last night we were out in force to celebrate at Taboo bar. It was a balmy summer night so we were on the street in front of the bar from 730pm until after midnight. As my own birthday is coming up later this week, a lot of people mentioned the big number that I will (hopefully) be reaching. I talked with HE, who will be 52 soon, and mentioned to him that I had been thinking that such a large part of my life is over and done with. After all, on average (if you are a bit lucky) most people are healthy (defined as mobile, able to do stuff, independent) until they are approximately 75 years old, so using that yardstick two-thirds of the pleasant part of my life are behind me.
HE said that he had been thinking similarly, but convinced himself (fooled himself?) that another comparison is better. He said "think about all you have done between ages 25 and 50, the people you have met, the loves and fucks, the movies you have seen, the parties you have been to, and then imagine you will have another similar period of all of the above". I must admit this made me feel better. I'll sign up for another 25 years of such fun! Cheers!

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Pain, pain go away

As a result of either a wrong posture on the long plane ride last Sunday night (I was tired and slept in my economy class seat for some 7 hours in the same position) or else an unprofessional massage in Bangkok, I have had bad pains since Tuesday. (strange, as after I arrived home on Monday everything was fine) First they were in my lower back, but ever since Thursday they are in my left upper leg only. The pains are worst when I rest (sit or lay down), which is bad for sleeping and every night I have woken up around 4am and I need to take painkillers to sleep again. Yesterday I smoked a joint before sleeping hoping that would be relaxing and would make me sleep easier, it worked a bit but not any better than the paracetamol.
I was afraid of "economy class syndrome" or deep vein thrombosis and went to see my doctor who checked the leg and did some tests. No worries, he said, it is some kind of muscle strain and the pain will disappear. The big question now is: when?

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Showing that someone is special

How do you show someone that he is special to you? The question came back to me during my recent trip.
Should it be done in words (saying "I love you" regularly) or do actions (visiting as often as you can) speak louder than words? What if someone refuses to see the positive signs of admiration, and focuses on what he thinks are other loved ones in your life? How can I prove that someone is special to me - much more special than other friends that I have.

Likewise, how do you know what someone feels for you? Should I take his words literally - even if the words would hurt me, or should I read between the lines and put the words in the context of his personality? But then I am playing amateur-psychologist and I may be totally wrong in my conclusions. Or should I base my interpretation of his feelings on his actions which are so much more positive than his words?

And how to reconcile my doubts about his feelings with my attraction to his personality: the fact that he is not an easy book to read adds to his attractiveness. Would he be like me, I might have been bored with him - the fact that I need to keep working hard for his attention keeps it interesting.

And finally: if there are other friends or fucks how can we prove that they are just that: friends or fucks. Infinitely less important than someone who is a friend AND a fuck AND a soulmate.